eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
