Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
