How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
