I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
no you cant smoke seaweed
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
