I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
