Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
