Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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