i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
All I want is dick and wine.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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