so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
