it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
