Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize