conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
