i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
