All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Randomize
