i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
