you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize