I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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