White coat. Heels.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
