you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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