would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I supernannyed him into submission
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
