in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
