Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
