TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
