Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Did you pee in the oven last night??
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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