I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
