First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
