So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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