i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
