I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
