last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
