I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
