I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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