brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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