we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
