he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Michael Bay diarrhea
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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