We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
