well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize