I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
