I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
And then he peed in my hair
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