Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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