Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize