2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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