I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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