VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
