he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
