Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
