btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
