We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
