Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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