Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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