My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
