Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
