never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
