he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
