when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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