Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
