just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
