im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
