How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
