You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize