Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
