So drunk its hurt
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You're a waste of cheezeits
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
