guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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