So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
