she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize