The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
