Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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