you traded sex for a burrito?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
True strength comes from lack of pants
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
