She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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