What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
should my penis look like a turkey
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
