apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
