Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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