sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
